Police under fire for pepper spraying 8-year-old boy

A little kid age 8, who actually presents as a pretty nice, well-meaning kid, who knows he has problems controlling himself, exploded at his teachers and besides hitting and spitting and raging at them, also told them, "I'm going to kill you." Thus, when the police arrived, the teachers were hiding, in fear for their lives, and the police, also afraid of whatever might have happened or might be ready to happen, hit him with pepper spray.

The mother and grandmother assure us they want to help the boy with his behavior problem, just can't understand what makes him act like this, checked him into a behavior modification program, and remain baffled that he hasn't been able to improve himself and get the problem under control. And their response to his problems don't seem to include any attempt to make excuses for him. No "his father teased him" or "He's the victim of an oppressive society;" none of that.

Aidan tells us, "I want to be a marine, that's why I'm trying to handle it. But sometimes my body just forces me."

Okay, I think these well-meaning, good-hearted people have a problem. They do not intend at all to make flimsy excuses for this boy's bad behavior, but they don't know how they're covering for him.

Let me present an example from Dr Laura. The caller has a problem, it's his temper and he's tired of losing his. She comes back at him with, "Sir, have you ever hit a cop?" "No, of course not." "So you DO have self-control when the consequences are serious enough." The caller cannot disagree.

Remembering this, I looked at my own children. They fought constantly and all three of them got violent pretty often. For years I tried to terrify them by screaming at them. Occasionally either I or their father would get out a fairly stout yardstick and hit them with it. We gave them times-outs, we did everything everyone else ever recommended. None of it ever worked.

Finally I had an idea: a punishment that was immediate, and so disgustingly distasteful they'd know they were being punished. "From now on, whoever hits his brother, no matter how mean the other one has been, you're cleaning the bathroom."

The eldest one was most prone to hitting. It didn't take long for him to lose control and slug one of his brothers. I had already shown all of them how to clean the bathroom, so I only had to march him to the doorway and snarl.

He did it again a few days later, and a few more times, but by the end of one month, he had learnt to control his temper

The punishment was obviously meaningful, and so thoughts of how bad it would be to hit came to rule the actions of this boy.

I'd strongly recommend all parents to consider this. Or make them pick up dog poop in the back yard. But skip the "you're grounded" junk. Or the "black marks" or "taking away one of your gold stars." They're either not immediate enough, or they're not icky enough.